Why We All Self-Sabotage During the Healing Process (And What to Do About It)

If you're on a healing journey from chronic pain—whether it's back pain, IBS, fibromyalgia, or even anxiety and stress-related symptoms—at some point, you're going to hit a wall.

And chances are, that wall isn't your body.
It's your psyche.

What Is Self-Sabotage?

Self-sabotage in the healing process is when parts of your mind unconsciously block your progress. Even if you’re doing everything "right," even if you say you want to heal, deeper layers of your mind might be resisting.

Not because you're lazy or broken.
But because, somewhere inside, a part of you believes it’s safer to stay in pain than to go through the uncertainty of healing.

Why We Self-Sabotage Healing from Chronic Pain

Healing—especially from something like TMS, emotional repression, or long-standing chronic symptoms—can feel emotionally dangerous.

You might have buried emotions (from childhood, relationships, trauma) that your system decided were unsafe to feel. Crying wasn’t safe. Anger wasn’t allowed. So your nervous system found another outlet: pain.

Over time, pain becomes protective.

Self-sabotage shows up because pain:

• Offers identity ("I am the person with pain")

• Provides connection (to others or a support system)

• Gives a sense of control (through rituals or avoidance)

• Protects us from emotions we don’t want to feel

Who Self-Sabotages?

Everyone. No exceptions.

It’s not a question of if you self-sabotage, it’s a matter of how.

11 Common Ways We Self-Sabotage During Healing

1. Not Starting at All

Some people get stuck in the preparation phase. They binge-watch healing videos, read every self-help book under the sun, and research endlessly without ever taking tangible action. There’s a sense that they’re doing something important, but they avoid the vulnerable steps of actually applying the work.

Others dismiss the possibility of emotional healing entirely. They believe their pain couldn’t possibly be connected to anything psychological or emotional. This denial can stem from fear, mistrust, or simply not being ready to open that door.

2. Dabbling

Dabblers never stick to anything long enough to see real results. They try meditation for a few days, then jump to breathwork, then switch to journaling—but the moment something gets uncomfortable or doesn't offer instant relief, they pivot to something else.

This is a defense mechanism. By not committing fully, they avoid the risk of true vulnerability. Dabbling is a way to feel like they’re doing the work while keeping one foot firmly planted in safety. Real transformation requires depth, not just variety.

3. Rigidity & Obsession

Sometimes self-sabotage wears a mask of discipline. People become overly attached to a specific healing routine: a strict diet, a set meditation time, a list of daily practices. But instead of helping, this rigidity begins to create anxiety and stress, which undermines healing.

Obsession gives a false sense of control. It becomes a way to avoid the messy, uncertain parts of healing. True recovery requires flexibility and listening to what the body and nervous system need in the moment—not just following a rigid formula.

4. Over-Identifying with Healing

When someone becomes too focused on "being in the healing process," they can lose sight of actually living. Their identity becomes wrapped up in being someone who is healing. Everything in life gets put on hold indefinitely: relationships, hobbies, fun.

This can be helpful in the short term, but long term, it’s a form of avoidance. The real goal of healing is to return to life with more presence and capacity—not to stay in the healing bubble forever.

5. Chasing Quick Fixes

In a world of instant gratification, it’s tempting to believe that one new supplement, therapy, or expert will finally "fix it all." This often leads people to constantly seek out the next thing instead of going deeper with what they’re already doing.

Outsourcing your healing to others prevents you from building inner resilience. While guidance is important, healing ultimately comes from within. The answers are not out there; they are in your body and your emotions.

6. Avoiding Emotional Discomfort

Healing involves feeling difficult emotions. But many of us were taught from a young age that emotions like anger, sadness, and fear are unacceptable or dangerous. So we numb, distract, or intellectualize instead.

The problem is, we can’t selectively numb emotions. When we avoid emotional discomfort, we also block the possibility of emotional release and nervous system regulation. Learning to sit with discomfort is essential to long-term relief.

7. Going It Alone

There’s a cultural myth that we should be able to heal by ourselves. Many people don’t reach out for support because they fear being judged, feel shame, or have learned that asking for help is weak.

But isolation can slow healing. Being witnessed in your pain—and having others reflect your progress and offer perspective—can be profoundly regulating to the nervous system. Healing in community is often faster and more grounded.

8. Perfectionism

Perfectionists expect healing to be linear, neat, and mistake-free. So when they experience setbacks, flare-ups, or difficult days, they take it as a sign that something has gone wrong. This discourages them and can cause them to quit.

But healing is messy. There will be ups and downs. There will be pain again. Learning to expect imperfection is a huge part of staying the course. Mistakes are not failures—they’re part of the process.

9. Identifying with Pain

When pain has been part of your life for a long time, it can start to feel like who you are. The idea of not having pain can feel disorienting or even scary. Who are you if you’re not the person with back pain, IBS, or anxiety?

This attachment keeps people stuck. It’s not just physical pain that must be released—it’s the emotional identity built around it. Releasing that can feel like a loss, but it’s necessary for transformation.

10. Fearing Who You’ll Become

Strangely, the idea of healing can bring fear. If you’re no longer in pain, you might have to face life more fully. That could mean going back to work, pursuing relationships, or showing up in ways that feel vulnerable.

This fear can create subconscious resistance. The mind believes that staying in pain is safer than facing the unknown. Addressing these fears head-on is crucial to moving forward.

11. Putting Others First

Many people who struggle with chronic pain are chronic caretakers. They put everyone else’s needs before their own, often to the point of burnout. This pattern may have developed early in life as a survival mechanism.

But true healing requires turning inward. It means prioritizing your own needs, even when it feels uncomfortable or selfish. You can’t pour from an empty cup. And you deserve to heal, just like everyone else.

5 Antidotes to Self-Sabotage

1. Acknowledge What You're Doing

Awareness is always the first step. Take time to reflect on which self-sabotaging patterns you recognize in yourself. Be honest without shaming yourself. These are protective parts, not flaws.

When you can name the ways you're blocking your own progress, you create space for change. Self-sabotage is just a signal. It's pointing to a part of you that needs attention, compassion, and support.

2. Expect Discomfort

Healing from chronic pain will bring up fear, sadness, anger, and shame. These emotions are not obstacles; they are the doorway. If you're experiencing them, it means you're on the right track.

Expecting discomfort helps you stay grounded when it arrives. Instead of interpreting hard days as failure, you can see them as necessary steps in the process. You stop fighting your emotions and start working with them.

3. Set Expectations

This process is not quick. It doesn’t follow a straight path. Some parts will unravel quickly, while others may need weeks or months of attention. That’s normal.

Set realistic expectations. Give yourself permission to move slowly, to repeat lessons, to rest. Trust that healing is still happening even when you can’t see it. Consistency and compassion will carry you further than force or urgency.

4. Get Back to Life Sooner

You don’t need to wait until you’re 100% healed to start doing the things you love. In fact, waiting often prolongs the process. Start small: go out with friends, take that trip, try that activity.

When you take action, emotions will come up. That’s exactly what you want. Sit with those emotions, let them move through you, and then try again. This is how you build emotional and physical capacity.

5. Use Community Support

Healing alone is possible, but healing in community is more powerful. Find people who understand the mind-body approach. Share your experiences. Let yourself be seen.

Community provides validation, perspective, and encouragement. It helps you stay on track when your inner critic wants to give up. And it reminds you that you’re not the only one navigating these challenging emotions.

If you'd like to learn more about how to notice and alleviate self-sabotage, [join my pain relief community here].

We go deep into this stuff together—with support, tools, and the connection that makes it all feel less overwhelming.

You deserve relief. And you're not alone in the blocks that come up along the way.